Someone please tell me what is wrong with men. No wait, first let me complain so I feel better. Then you can tell me what is wrong with men.

My best guess is that it’s a wiring problem.

There seems to be a set of men in the 24 to 30-year-old range who are a bunch gone bad. It's not a stereotype, it's a phenomenon. As if God, the cosmic baker, had an ADD moment and neglected to add yeast to this batch. Ladies, leave them in the bowl and as long as you want…they ain’t gonna rise. You can even put ‘em in the oven and crank up the heat, but you’re not gonna get a loaf of bread.

My ex, whom we’ll call…Mandrew, is a prime example. Mandrew recently broke up with his girlfriend of a year (whom he cheated on me with, ruthlessly grinding my heart under the heel of his preppy-ass loafer). Since the day he began fantasizing about their break up, I have heard from him more often than my own mother. I cannot log onto the internet without getting an email, friend request, or photo comment from him. I cannot have a span longer than 12 hours without an inquisitive, friendly text from him. What the hell?

When we were dating I couldn’t find this guy with two hands, a flashlight, and a SWAT team, but now he's like frickin’ American Express: he's everywhere I want to be.

It’s absurd.

I carried this guy up through not one, but two deaths in his family during our relationship. Because “we loved each other” (why yes, that is the sound of my eyes rolling). Can you guess what happened when my sister got married and I was the Maid of Honor? My dear boyfriend, Mandrew, bailed at the last moment and broke up with me in the process. Try giving that wedding speech. Of course, Mandrew realized he’d made a huge mistake, loved me immensely, and wanted me back. After some groveling and reparations we gave it a shot. Can you guess what happened when my grandfather passed away? Mandrew slipped into the ether, leaving only a brief, apologetic MySpace message and posted photos of him and his new girlfriend.

Classy.

Forget whether a person is ready for commitment…whether they see their relationship headed for marriage…that’s not the issue. The issue is: are you human? Because regardless of your issues, when you care about someone and they have an hour of need, you show up. You support, you listen, you comfort. Capiche?

You don’t show up 2 years later and try to cram yourself back into their somewhat sane, recovered life.

So to all my exhausted, disheartened female compatriots, I send empathy. And more importantly, I send you waves of hope and assurance that yes, we deserve more, and we will have it. Maybe not right now…and maybe not from the Mandrews of the world…but one day...